relationships

Life can be really busy at times. So busy that we have little time to spend with our partners and forget to keep up with each other’s inner worlds. Not knowing how to effectively communicate with each other can also create challenges and increase conflict. Maybe you are finding your emotional connection is not as strong. Perhaps sex and intimacy have become less of a priority. Or maybe you find differences in roles and values that seem difficult to talk about and resolve. In any case, being in a relationship where there are challenges can feel lonely, hopeless, and leave you feeling stuck. These feelings are often worsened in our culture with pressures from society and unhelpful opinions telling you what you should or should not do. The love is there, you just don’t know what do to make things better.

The good news is that research into various forms of individual and relationship therapy consistently show that it works! Often one partner initiates the start of relationship therapy so if that is true of your situation, you are not alone. The benefit of relationship therapy over individual therapy is that both people are present and hopefully motivated to work toward change. My philosophy is that in a partnership, it is nearly impossible for one person to bear sole responsibility for a problem so I will work to create a balanced therapeutic relationship that is engaging and healing.

There are so many personal and social justice factors that influence if and when people will access therapy. A recent study exploring the delay between noticing relational problems and starting therapy showed that the average couple waits just under three years and this time is similar to the time individuals wait to access therapy. This is a bittersweet finding because it is shows couples are not waiting nearly as long as previously believed (which was 6 years!) but that is still a long time to experience distress and dissatisfaction as well as allow the possibility of resentment to build. Rather than spend time in an unhappy relationship, come to therapy before problems arise or as soon as you start to notice your relationship changing in a negative way! From my perspective, relationship therapy is often a more positive experience when areas of growth are strengthened before they become major problems. This approach is more about enriching and enhancing a generally healthy and happy relationship whereas relationship therapy after major problems and high levels of distress have moved in is more about repairing a relationship with varying amounts of fractures. If you feel your relationship is in the midst of distress, relationship therapy is still one of the most effective treatment options! Therapy in general is hard work but intention, commitment, and motivation to make positive changes are essential factors in reaching your goals! As your therapist, I will work with you and your partner(s) to cultivate hope, bring awareness to areas of growth, and facilitate an environment to make your desired changes to your relationship.